Orienteering. Who invented that stupid sport? Let’s face it, it’s not even a sport. So why is it in the Physical Education curriculum? Anyway, we spent an hour on a bus, got dropped in a forest, and now we are handed maps and compasses. Our teacher explains where we need to go, how to find it on the map, and shows us a couple of example routes we could take to get there.
ㅤ
It looks miles from my comfort zone, but I’m going to do what any teenager would do nowadays and use my GPS. That’s when my teacher kills all my dreams. They are collecting smartphones. A few of us protest, and Emily turner rightly points out that if we get lost in the woods, we might have to be able to call for help.
“Don’t worry. Every red dot on your map is a safety zone. If you get there, you will be able to get some help, either from a teacher, or an actual forest ranger. You will also be sorted into groups of three students, so if a student needs help, someone can stay with them while someone else can get some help. Each group will also be accompanied by a senior student who completed this same orientation within the time limit last year. You shouldn’t get lost; all the paths are clearly marked. I can assure you: you don’t need technology to do this.”
Woah, woah, woah… groups of three? Maisie and I exchange a look. We will either have to find someone alone or be added to a group of people we don’t know. Everyone is already splitting into groups. We have to move fast.
Next to us is a group of four. They have to lose someone, we have to include someone… That seems pretty perfect. Maisie, being the most outgoing one, and being the kind of person who might know at least one of their names, walks to them and says: “Any of you would like to join us?” That’s good phrasing. It was smart to not just ask if we could merge the groups as it might have resulted in us joining two different groups.
The boys look at each other and one of them shrugs and says “I don’t mind, but I’m not teaming up with the gay guy. He’s either gonna slow us down or hit on us.” There is a weird mix of feelings in my chest. A little bit of amazement that he would just say this as if it were socially acceptable, a numbness that I am starting to develop at being called words, shame not because of what he said but because of the humiliating intention behind his words, and a painful burn in my chest. Why is it considered worse to be gay than to be a bully?
Worse than everything, at the corner of my eye, I can see Jake who so obviously heard, is not looking our way, and is probably thinking that he dodged a bullet when he dumped me.
I should reply something. Anything. Just… not stand there and take it. And, even more importantly, I need to say something before Maisie does, not let my best friend fight my battles for me. Not look weaker than I already do in his eyes.
None of us has time to reply, though, because Adam appears out of nowhere, fierce protective big brother, emitting strong alpha male vibes. Years of swimming gave him a rather intimidating figure.
“Walk,” he says, and he does sound like a mix between Batman and a professional hitman – not that I have met that many professional hitmen… Or Batman. The little group doesn’t even think about disobeying and they walk away.
I am grateful for Adam, I truly am, but… “You know, it doesn’t help if my brother has to protect me like I’m a baby.”
“Since when do we care what they think?” he asks me.
“Why are you even here? Didn’t you get lost in your orientation last year?”
“I did. I still finished third.” He looks very proud and that makes me smile. I’m not actually annoyed about what he did. Yes, it does paint me as a victim that needs protection, but it also helps. I know that I could be bullied much more if I wasn’t the little brother of the swimming team’s captain. I’m not even sure if he is doing a lot of things like today or if his reputation is enough. We don’t really talk about that stuff.
“So… I didn’t actually come here to chase away bullies. There are four junior guys from the swimming team and they’d like Tom to be their senior guide. It makes sense. He arrived first last year. Anyway. Is it cool if Caleb and I join the two of you?”
That is definitely a better option than the one we were contemplating moments ago.
“Unless you’re fed up with us,” he adds with a smile. I know he would be fine if I asked for some space. But I don’t mind. Actually, I think the comment that guy made upset me more than I thought. It wasn’t even an insult, but… yeah. I wouldn’t mind letting Caleb and Adam lead the way for Maisie and me to follow. Actually, if Maisie wants to talk to them and let me brood, I wouldn’t mind either.
We tell him that we’re fine with this team and he walks away to get Caleb. “That’s going to be great,” Maisie says. “Your brother won’t be one of those annoying seniors who tell us to ‘figure it out on our own’, and Caleb seems like it would be his kind of things too. We might be able to get through this just by following them.”
“They are both athletes. ‘just following them’ might not be that easy.” I’m not trying to crush her dreams. I just have been on a hike with Adam before and that was painful.
Adam comes back with Caleb and a map. We have ten minutes to work on the map in teams and then the teachers will start dismissing us one group at a time.
Adam and Caleb start to look at the map, each holding one side I decide to try not to be completely useless and try to help them.
“Why do we need to study the map?” Maisie asks. “Don’t you remember where we have to go?”
“The route is different every year,” Adam replies.
“Then how are you useful exactly?” I ask and he pushes me. Not hard, just enough that I have to take a step sideways and I bump into Caleb. He doesn’t really jerk away or anything, but it is so clear from his face that he is uncomfortable. I apologize and he shrugs it off. Caleb. Always so nice to everyone even when he is feeling uncomfortable. But he doesn’t move. Maybe this has more to do with having someone in his personal space than anything else. I genuinely think he’s cool with me being gay.
Still. It hurts that me touching him by accident would make him uncomfortable. Not just because of the small – massive – crush I have on him, but also because it brings back that sentence that guy said earlier. I don’t know why it bothers me so much. He called me gay, and that’s what I am. So what’s the big deal? Probably because I heard what it meant to him and it was degrading.
Maisie snaps me out of it when she asks: “Why do we need the map? Don’t we just need to know what direction we need to go and follow the compass?” Adam looks at her like he’s trying to know if she’s joking or not. “What?”
“Because of the obstacles,” Adam reply.
Apparently, that’s a good enough answer for him, but Caleb sees that Maisie is still confused and he moves a bit closer to her, showing her bits on the map.
“That’s a cliff. So, we can’t go in a straight line, we have to find a way around it. And that’s a river. We don’t know how deep it is, so we shouldn’t try to just cross it. We can avoid it if we go that way, or there is a bridge just here. Do you see it?”
“I… maybe? Should we go there, then?”
“That’s the highway,” Adam comments. “So… I suggest that we don’t put Maisie in charge of navigation. Or Liam. Sorry, little brother, I still remember that time we went on that hiking with Aunt Tia…”
“I was eight.”
“Still. I promised myself. Never again.”
I roll my eyes at him, but he has a point. I don’t have the best sense of direction. During the day. On a clear night, I can pretty much read the sky to know where I am. But without the stars, I am pretty useless. I should be alright with the map and compass, though, but I am still not in the best mindset.
That one silly sentence upsets me more than it should and I am annoyed at myself for letting it get to me… It’s a vicious circle, really. Adam and Maisie have obviously noticed that I am slightly withdrawn but they both know where it comes from and they don’t mention it. Adam knows I don’t like to talk about that with him, and Maisie will wait until it’s just the two of us.
As for Caleb… Caleb probably just thinks that I am naturally grumpy – which might be somewhat true – and I’m not sure he notices that anything is happening. I don’t know if it’s a good or a bad thing. I’ll worry about my ridiculous crush later.
Besides, I don’t have any time left for self-pity because our names are called out, and off we go.
ㅤ
I am definitely the least sporty person here. Maisie is not in any kind of team but her family is very outdoorsy.
I also know that Caleb and Adam are both very competitive. They could win this so easily if they had partnered with someone else. And anyone would happily have joined their team. They are both pretty popular. But here they are. Stuck with me because of some stupid force of habit, or undeserved loyalty… Am I just a pitty case?
“Are you okay?” Caleb asks me a mile or so later.
“Yeah… I’m fine. Why?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. You’re quiet.” His words surprise me. I rarely talk to him, even in the car, so I’m not sure why he would find me particularly silent today.
“Is this about what Charlie said?” Adam asks.
Charlie. I couldn’t remember his name. Now I do. I don’t know why it feels important. “It’s not,” I lie.
“He’s an idiot,” Maisie says.
“What did Charlie say?” Caleb asks.
So much for not talking about it… “Nothing,” I reply. I really don’t want to drag Caleb into this. I don’t want him to see me as a victim, I don’t want him to see me as the guy who can’t let it go, I don’t want him to see me as ‘the gay kid’…
Caleb looks at me like he doubts I would get weird over ‘nothing’, but he lets it go.
Adam doesn’t. “Why do you even care what he thinks or says? Besides, you dodged a bullet. You really didn’t want to team up with him. He’s like… a rainy Sunday evening with no Internet.”
“That’s… a really odd way to describe someone,” Maisie comments.
“Do not get him started,” I warn her. He has started this weird thing lately, always referring to people using timings. I made a point of not asking.
Maisie is more curious than I am, though, and she asks: “Where does that come from?”
“I’ve developed a theory,” Adam says, looking very proud.
“I did tell you not to get him started,” I tell her. But I also think that this is a welcome change of subject.
“What’s the theory?” she asks him, completely ignoring me. She does that very often.
“So it’s called the schedule theory,” he tells her.
“I love it already. What’s the schedule theory?”
“It simply says that everyone can be given a schedule and weather that will tell you everything you need to know about their personality.”
“I… what?”
“Okay. For instance. Charlie, in addition to being a dick, is the most boring guy you’ll ever meet. Honestly, he has no conversation, his hobbies are non-existent, and his opinions are whatever he read the night before on social media. Spending time with him is like spending a rainy Sunday night without any Internet. You’re bored, you can’t go out, and there is school the next day. Nothing to like about it.”
“Okay,” she says, apparently thinking about it. “This one makes sense. But it can’t work for everyone.”
“It absolutely can. Caleb and I have worked very hard on this.”
“You’re in on this?” I ask Caleb.
“Sort of. I listen to him make stuff up and I tell him if I agree or not. But I have to give him credit. Most of the time, it makes sense.”
“So if it makes sense, you can do it for anyone?” Maisie challenges him.
“Absolutely!”
“Fine. What is the Queen of England, then?”
Adam’s eyes widen, apparently surprised that she would go there. But he quickly smiles, apparently very proud of his theory. “The Queen of England… Wait a minute… She would have to be a drizzly Monday morning. Six a.m.”
“And why would that be?”
“Think about it. England. It’s raining over there. It doesn’t matter if it’s true or a cliché, you know your mind went there. And the Queen of England, she is England in everyone’s mind. But she is too classy to be rain. So, she is drizzle. And she can’t be a fun time. She isn’t a fun lady. She is an institution. She is… a Monday 6 a.m. Half six, maybe. Because that’s when people officially end their weekend. You put your serious hat back on, and you go back to being a productive member of society. That’s what she is. Seriousness and aspirations. I mean… I’m sure she has some time when she eats McDonald's and watches trash TV, but if I spread that information, the MI-6 will have to kill me. So I stick with the dignified leader of the Commonwealth front, here.”
Caleb shakes his head, the cutest lopsided smile on his face, and Maisie laughs. “Okay, there might be some ridiculous logic in there somewhere,” she admits.
“How many people have you applied your theory to?” I ask, more curious than I’d like to be.
“Too many to count,” he tells me. “You’re a foggy Thursday morning.”
“I am?”
“Yep. Caleb is a stormy Wednesday night, Maisie is a sunny Friday afternoon, Sam is a rainbowy Saturday, and I am a party night.”
“No you’re not,” Caleb replies.
“That’s the only schedule we disagree on,” Adam tempers.
“Not the only one,” Caleb says quietly. I might have been the only one to hear.
Maisie and Adam start discussing his silly theory and she seems very excited about it. They start classifying people from school, celebrities, fictional characters… I don’t particularly take part in the conversation, but it is very entertaining to listen to.
It’s enough to put me back in a laughing mood, leaving Charlie and his homophobic comment behind.
ㅤ
For a little while.
ㅤ
At some point, my hand brushes Caleb’s. His eyes dart towards it straight away like he’s been burnt. I apologize and move aside slightly. It’s the second time today that I have made uninvited physical contact with him, and both times it made him uncomfortable. I know they were accidents but it’s still enough to make things awkward and take me back to that weird, dark place Charlie pulled me in earlier.
I know Caleb’s reaction doesn’t mean anything, that it is possible he would have done the same if I were a straight guy, or even a girl, but I still feel a little hurt.
Not just because Caleb keeps moving away from me, but also because it is a tiring feeling to regularly feel like who I am is a cause of stress and anxiety. It is so unfair that no one gets a painful knot in their stomach for being straight. I also think it’s why I have issues opening up to Adam or Maisie about this. Because they wouldn’t entirely get it. This battle in me between the Liam who wants to fit in and the one who wants to claim who he is, the confusion of feeling different than the norm and how annoyed I am that it matters even a little to me, and the shame brought by others and that I try to fight but apparently always finds its way in. Some days, like today, the negative feelings overwhelm me faster than I can fight them. And I don’t know why.
I think today, I’m just tired of being me.
ㅤ
We are nearly there. Probably fifteen or twenty minutes before all of this is over. That’s when Adam and I disagree on the route we should take.
“Look at the map,” I tell him. “This is definitely shorter.”
“No, it’s not. Do I need to remind you that I’ve done this before?”
“It was a different route.”
“Still.”
“That’s shorter.”
“Yes, but it climbs. It would take longer.”
“No, it wouldn’t.”
“Let’s split up,” Maisie decides. “See which brother is the smartest one.”
Adam glares at her. “We all know the smartest one is the little nerd. But if we split, Caleb and I walk faster than you and Maisie. So we’ll definitely win. You might as well just give up now.”
“Or I team up with you,” Maisie offers. “That should level things out.”
“Why does Caleb get the smart one?” Adam replies, falsely annoyed, clearly just teasing her.
“I walk faster than him, though. Plus, if it’s you and me, we can explore your little theory a bit more.”
“That sounds great. What do you say little brother? Do you want to find out if your route is shorter than mine?”
“You’re going to look ridiculous when I beat you, you know that right?”
“I’m pretty sure we’re not supposed to split up,” Caleb says.
“Cal, you need to be more fun,” Adam replies. “Honestly, what could happen?”
I think Adam didn’t hear what his friend was really trying to say. I don’t think Caleb is really looking forward to spending time with just me. Even if didn’t mind the accidental touching, I know he is shy and we never really talked to each other.
“We could arrive at the meeting point at different times and end up in detention,” Caleb replies. “And you know what Coach told us.”
Adam groans. “Fine. You’re right. Plus if something happens to Tiny Face, I’m sure my parents would blame me.”
“I don’t have a Tiny Face.”
“Yes, you do. That’s why you don’t have a boyfriend. You know what? Fine. Let’s take your route. But I will always know in my heart that I was right.”
I roll my eyes at him and we take the route I chose. Which makes me feel a little self-conscious. I hope I chose wisely.
ㅤ
And of course, I didn’t. Because if we had taken the other route, there wouldn’t have been the accident…
ㅤ
Maisie and Adam are still sorting out people. It’s not a continuous conversation, it’s more that the topic keeps coming back. I decide once more that it’s my best opportunity to take my mind off those negative thoughts that just won’t leave. “How am I a foggy Thursday morning?”
“Ah, glad you asked. So. Thursday morning. We have to get up extra early and we hate that, but it’s for swimming practice so it makes it all worth it. Just like you. You’re a brother so you’re annoying. But, really, I like you.”
“Hmmm… thanks, I guess. And the fog?”
“Fog is mysterious. We can’t see really far, you don’t know why or how it appears, but it’s pretty cool.”
I could linger on the fact that he called me cool for probably the first time ever. Instead, I say: “We know pretty well how fog appears.”
“Fine. Then fog is not mysterious. It’s pretentious. Whatever.”
I am about to ask how fog can be pretentious when it happens. I am not really paying attention to where we are going because we have no other choice but to follow the road. We are walking on a small path. On our right is an unclimbable mountain section, covered in trees, roots, and moss. On our left, the same but getting down – in other words, nothing. There is a wooden barrier on the right-hand side, in case anyone would be stupid enough to walk too close to the gap.
I stop and turn around to deliver my stupid question about fog when I realize that the person behind me isn’t Adam but Caleb, and he is much closer than I thought. We are about to bump into each other and my brain almost panics. Right now, it is just so important to me not to make him uncomfortable again.
So, as a reflex, I step and lean to my right to avoid him. My foot, however, doesn’t encounter ground, and I fall. Where I stood less than a second ago, there is no barrier anymore, because the path isn’t by a gap anymore, but the slope is still pretty steep.
Caleb’s hand grabs my arm but he doesn’t manage to stop my fall. I have too much momentum. Instead, I drag him down with me and we hit the ground. Then, because the slope is so sheer, we slide down. It goes really fast, and my brain registers that I might die. But the slope goes gradually milder, and we eventually stop.
How did this backfire so much? I just wanted to avoid any awkwardness and I made everything worse. First because we fell and he might be hurt, and second… he is literally lying on top of me right now, his arm wrapped around me.
“Are you okay?” he asks me, looking genuinely concerned.
“I’m fine,” I reply, and I’m pretty sure it’s not a lie. “You?”
“Yeah, I’m good.”
“GUYS!” Adam yells from the path. “ARE YOU OKAY?”
Caleb stands up and I can see Adam and Maisie’s heads looking down on us.
“Yeah, we’re fine,” Caleb replies. “Just a few cuts and bruises, I think.”
“I’m coming to get you.”
“No, don’t. It’s very slippery. I don’t even think we should climb. We’ll try to find another way to the meeting point.”
“Okay. Maisie and I will get some help. Oh, and Liam?”
“What?”
“Do you remember when I said we should take the flat route… I’m ready for you to tell me I was right whenever you’re ready.”
Maisie looks at the map and points at something in the distance. “Guys, if you go that way, you’ll find another path. We’ll get the teachers to meet you somewhere there.”
We all agree on this plan and Adam disappears with Maisie. That’s when I realize that I’m still on the floor. Caleb helps me up and as soon as I stand, a sharp pain shoots through my ankle and I trip. Caleb’s arm wraps around me and he holds me tight while I regain my balance.
“Ouch.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I… my ankle hurts.”
“Can you walk?”
I put some weight on it. It hurts a bit, but it’s not that bad. “I think so.”
“Are you sure? You don’t want to make it worse.”
I hesitate a second but then we hear the deep rumble of a thunderstorm in the distance and it starts raining. Well… it starts pouring.
“Okay. Lean on me,” he offers.
“We don’t have to. I know it would be uncomfortable for you.”
He frowns, visibly confused. “No, it wouldn’t. Come on.”
He might actually be fine with me touching him. After all, his arm is still around me. “Okay,” I agree. “Let me know if I’m too heavy or anything.”
He smiles and rolls his eyes at me. “If I can’t walk you to the nearest path, I think I’d have to quit the team. I should be able to carry you there if it came to that.”
“I don’t think it’s that bad,” I reply with a smile.
ㅤ
None of us is dressed for the rain. I get wet very quickly, and therefore cold. Around us, there is only the forest. I can’t see where we were anymore. The sky is so grey that I can’t see the sun. I am completely lost. I rely entirely on Caleb. To walk and for direction. Maybe we should have stayed still.
But I start shaking, and I know it would have been worse if we were just sitting in the rain.
ㅤ
And then, finally, the path Maisie told us about. There is even a bench under a small shelter a few yards away. That would be the perfect place to wait for whoever Adam and Maisie are sending our way.
Caleb helps me there and then he lets go of me and sits on the other side of the bench. My side feels cold and empty. More than just literally.
After a few minutes of the two of us looking at the rain pouring in silence, he tells me:
“Liam… about before…”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“No, really… I saw that you were offended, but…”
“Caleb, that’s fine. Trust me. You have been cooler than most with it. It’s just… it happened, you reacted the way you did, and then it became awkward, and that’s what I hate. That things just get awkward. Because I’m gay.”
“Is that what happened with Charlie?” he asks me. “Did he say something homophobic to you?”
“Maybe. It’s fine. It really wasn’t as bad as other things I’ve heard before. I’m not sure why I let it get to me that much. I’m probably just having a bad day.”
“I think you’re usually handling things really well. You’re allowed a bad day.”
“Still. I’m sorry. Adam probably dragged you to team up with us because he wanted to keep an eye on me, then I touched you and that made you uncomfortable, and to make things worse I probably was the worst company.”
“No.”
“No what?”
“No all of it. We had to split the swimmers into two different groups and I’m the one who suggested we made a group with you and Maisie. It’s easier for me to be around people I know, and I like spending time with you. Even if it’s just in the car. I wasn’t uncomfortable when you touched me. And you weren’t the worst company. But maybe I’m biased on this one.”
“I’m… not sure what you’re saying?” I’m pretty certain he is saying that he’d like us to be friends, but I’m not sure why he would want that.
Caleb is now looking at the floor, nervously twisting his fingers. “What I’m trying to say is that… I’m sorry that Charlie said something that upset you. And I understand that it sometimes gets to you. I am actually very impressed by the way you usually handle everything. It makes me think that maybe I can do it too. It makes me want to do it too. So I can go after the things I want.”
Is he coming out to me right now? “Like what?”
He still isn’t looking at me. He shrugs. “When you touched me earlier… I might have had a few butterflies.”
“You… did?”
He is now looking at me and his eyes are full of this odd mix of fear and hope. I don’t even think he is hoping that I might reciprocate his feelings, I think he just wants me to tell him that it’s going to be okay.
“I don’t know what to say…”
“It’s fine, you don’t need to answer. It’s my crush, and I know that I’m probably the last person you would look at, but… I also think that when we’re having a bad day, it sometimes helps to have a little ego boost. So I guess I wanted to tell you that. That you inspire me, that I see you more than you think, and that… I like you or something.”
“Caleb…”
But I don’t have time to say anything because we hear voices calling our names.
ㅤ
I know the teachers can’t control the weather, but it is a coach of very grumpy students that is taking us back to school. At least it’s properly heated.
After the teachers came to get us, I didn’t get a chance to talk to Caleb. They asked us a lot of questions to assess how hurt we are. The first aider doesn’t seem too worried about my ankle and gives me an ice pack. He still tells me to go to the hospital if my ankle swells, if the pain gets worse or doesn’t go away after a couple of days.
By the time we get to the coach, everyone is already there and Caleb sits with Adam as I join Maisie, who instantly mocks me for nearly dying during a walk in the woods.
I look at Caleb. He is five rows ahead. I won’t be able to talk to him now either. That’s fine. It’s not like we were going to have that conversation here.
My mind keeps going back to what Caleb told me and what might have happened if we had just a bit more time. Would anything have happened? Will something happen in the future? I really hope it does.
ㅤ
When we arrive at the school, we are dismissed straight away. There was supposed to be a debrief session, but everyone, teachers included, just wants to get home and get a hot shower. They might also be worried about parents complaining.
"Cal, do you want to come hang out like we planned, or do you want me to drop you home?" Adam asks him as we get in the car. "You might want to take a hot shower or something."
"Or you can lend him some dry clothes and we can make hot chocolate and watch a movie," I offer, desperate to keep Caleb around at least until I get a chance to talk to him.
Adam turns around, surprised by my offer, but he seems to be cool with the idea. I don't know. I'm not really looking at him. I'm looking at Caleb.
"Yeah. That sounds good," he says.
Good. That’s good. I might have gotten us an opening to talk. Today. I don’t think I would have been able to wait until tomorrow and not lose my mind.
ㅤ
Adam is being really bossy with me. He put me on the couch as soon as we got home and he gave me another ice pack. I’m not allowed to stand up.
Because we got home early, we have the house to ourselves. Sam will be the first one home. She was really worried that we would get lost and miss dinner. I’m sure Adam will truly enjoy telling her that I did in fact get lost.
“Are you okay?” he asks me.
“Yeah, for the sixth time in five minutes, I’m fine.”
“Not your ankle, just… everything. I know today was a bit weird for you.”
“I’m good,” I promise. And I really am. Because one conversation on a bench changed everything. Made it all worth it. “I do have a question, though.”
“Shoot.”
“You know your stupid schedule theory? Apart from my weird schedule… you have given sunny weather and weekend timings to all the people that you like, apart from Caleb. Why is he a stormy Wednesday night?”
Caleb is not with us right now. He is changing in Adam’s room.
“Picture it for a moment. It’s Wednesday night. It’s the plainest day of the week. You don’t really remember last weekend. You don’t really see the end of the week either. You are in your bedroom, maybe prepping your bag for the next day of school. It’s just routine. There is nothing special about a Wednesday night. If Wednesday night was a person, it would blend in with the crowd and you would hardly notice it.”
“So far, it’s pretty offensive.”
“Bear with me. Wednesday night. Nothing to expect. But then comes a storm. Any storm. It can be the one that finally brings fresh air after a heatwave. It can be the one that displays the most magnificent flashes of lightning. It can be the ones that rumbles low enough that you feel it more than you hear it. It can be the devastating kind that makes it to the news. It doesn’t matter. Suddenly, you are paying attention to that Wednesday night, and there is something worth it and magical about that specific Wednesday night. It’s not like the other Wednesday nights you had before. It’s your favorite Wednesday night. It’s maybe even your favorite moment of the entire week. Because the storm shifted your expectations of the moment. Then the storm draws away a little bit, or calms down, and it’s more rain than thunder. You go to bed, you’re warm, relaxed, and you fall asleep lulled by the sound of the raindrops on the window.” He gives me a moment to think about it and the metaphor lingers with me. Then he asks me: “Don’t you think that’s Caleb?”
Yes. I definitely see his point. I even see the value in his silly theory. And just like that, I have a new favorite day.
“What about me?” Caleb asks, entering the room.
“I was sharing about your schedule.”
“Oh.” He blushes slightly and that is adorable. “Ignore him, that’s just nonsense.”
“I don’t know about that,” I reply and he blushes a bit more.
Then he looks at Adam and he says: “Can you give us a minute?”
“A minute? What f… Oh. Sure. I’ll go make the hot chocolates.”
Adam leaves the room and Caleb sits next to me on the couch, just too far to touch, and I really hope that he is only temporarily out of reach.
“Just so you know, I disagree with his schedule. I’m not as interesting as he says. I also disagree about his schedule for you.”
“Caleb… part of me is dying or know which schedule you have for me, really. But I also feel like you’re stalling a little and I just want to talk about what you said on that bench.”
“I’m sorry about telling you all of that. I hope it doesn’t make things awkward.”
“It doesn’t.”
“I promise I won’t bring it up again,” he says, looking extremely uncomfortable.
“Caleb, you don’t seem to get it. You mentioned butterflies, but you have no idea what your words did to me. It’s… for so long you have been the forbidden crush. I was so sure that you were straight, you are so much hotter than I am, you are my brother’s best friend, and… quite honestly, I didn’t even know if you knew I exist.” I stop talking. Because Caleb heard what was behind my rambling and his face is now very close to mine. He pauses for a second, searching for something in my eyes. I nod and he leans in, lips finally on mine.
Butterflies don’t come anywhere close to describe the storm in my stomach. This… might be the most wonderful thing I have ever felt. His hands cup my face and his lips keep brushing mine, in a rhythm that I know is just ours.
I pull him closer but he moves back as Adam comes back with the cups. “Sorry. Do you need another minute?”
“No,” Caleb replies still looking at me. “I think we covered everything we needed to.”
Adam hands him a cup. “You could do better, you know? But now I will have to beat you up if you try to.” He gives me another one. “And well done you for scoring a hot boyfriend with such a tiny face.”
“I do not have a tiny face!”
Adam ignores me. “New rule. No making out when I’m in the same room. But I’ll allow cute cuddling.”
Caleb smiles and sits right next to me. I shift a bit so my back would be against his chest. This is soft, warm, and almost feels better than kissing him. Almost.
“You know,” he whispers in my neck as Adam starts the movie, “I think you need to be a rainy Tuesday afternoon. Because I’ve never been happier than right now and it’s all about you.”
I glance at him. “I really hope there will be a storm tomorrow night,” I reply.
He smiles and lands a kiss just below my ear.
“No kissing,” Adam reminds us.
Caleb nods, but he takes my hand instead. Once more: almost as good as kissing him.
ㅤ
I make a pact with the universe. If there is a storm tomorrow night, then Caleb and I are meant to last…