Most teenagers probably have to beg their parents to extend their curfew. When I told my mom that I wanted to go out with the guys from the swimming team, she just told me to text her where we were going and to have fun.
I think she is just worried that I would be lonely. It’s just the two of us at home and I don’t often go out. That might have been why she liked Adam straight away. He was taking me out of my comfort zone, I started to do things out of swimming, and now I have friends. Plural.
I think she also didn’t ask questions because I am serious. (Moms say serious, teenagers say boring). I am not about to do something crazy and I probably wouldn’t crack under peer pressure. Besides, we are all athletes here. At least three of us need a swimming scholarship if we want to get a chance at college. I know a couple of us would risk it, but as a group, we wouldn’t. Adam wouldn’t let us anyway.
And tonight was exactly that. It was far from boring, it was actually extremely fun, but it also wasn’t wild. We went for food – the type Coach wouldn’t approve of – and we just watched a movie. Adam says that it’s important that we would do things as a team outside of the pool to build our team spirit, and I don’t know how much I agree with that. I know we’re not a team like other sports have. But tonight, I definitely felt what he meant. It was nice.
We are walking away from the cinema, laughing and having fun, when Adam switches his phone back on. I can immediately see on his face that something is wrong.
“Is everything alright?” I ask him.
“I’m not sure. I have like twenty missed calls from my mom.”
The entire team stops and lets Adam takes a few steps forward so he can listen to his messages with some privacy.
I’m not gonna lie. I did think it was just his mother being a bit of a helicopter mom. She does that sometimes. But even from a distance, I can see that it’s more than that. Adam’s face just fell and although I can’t hear the words, I can tell that he is speaking really fast.
He comes back less than a minute later, looking grey and nervous. Panicked, even. “Guys, I need to go.”
“Is everything alright?” Tom asks.
“Yeah, I… no? I have to go to the hospital. My brother has been attacked.”
His words punch me in the stomach, deep and hard. Liam… I feel panic rising in my chest. I want to ask a million questions I know Adam doesn’t have answers for and that I am probably not entitled to ask anyway.
“I need to go to the hospital,” he says, clearly confused, having a hard time processing all of this. So am I, I think. The hospital? Is it that bad? What happened to Liam? Is he going to be okay? And attacked for what? Was he robbed? Was it random? Was it a hate crime? Was it a fight? Would Liam even fight? Was he alone? Was the other person alone?
I focus back on what’s happening when Tom says: “You can’t be driving like this. We’ll take you to the hospital.”
“I can take an Uber.”
“Don’t be silly. We’re a team. We’ll go with you. We’ll stay with you until we know you’re brother’s alright.”
I couldn’t have phrased it better myself. I would have agreed with this statement for any of the team members, not just my best friend. And even if I wasn’t dying to get news of the boy in the hospital.
I always wondered which of the seniors would have been our captain if it hadn't been Adam. I now hope that it would have been Tom. He is just handling everything just right. In no time, cars are organized, Adam is reassured, and we are on our way to the hospital. All is calm and smooth.
I especially appreciate it because I feel terrified and I know that it can only be a fraction of what Adam is feeling right now. So it is important now more than ever for him to feel like his team has his back, that we are taking care of him, and that everything will be fine.
Because everything will be fine. It just has to.
When we arrive at the hospital, his parents are in the waiting room. They seem surprised to see the entire team here but they do not comment. I scan their faces and what I see is mildly reassuring. They seem tense, her eyes are red, his jaw is clenched, but they also don’t seem desperate.
But then I see Maisie and… She is sitting down, knee nervously jumping up and down like crazy, she is biting her nails, and she genuinely seems on the verge of crying. Adam and his parents step away. They won’t have this conversation in front of us, which is fair, but I need something to stay busy in the meantime, to not go crazy, so I go sit next to Maisie.
“Hey. Are you alright?”
She jumps and looks at me like she only now realizes that I joined her.
“I’m okay.”
“You don’t look okay.”
“It’s just… it was a lot, you know?”
“I don’t, actually. I have no idea what happened. Do you want to tell me about it?” Strangely, I sincerely asked for her, so she can get it out of her chest, and not because I am looking for answers.
Maisie looks at me and hesitates for a second. I get it. We’re not friends. I don’t think I’ve ever talked to her before, other than the meaningless ‘hey, how are you’ type of conversation. So I might not be the person she wants to confide in.
But her knee gets still and she whispers: “We weren’t even supposed to go out tonight.”
“It’s not your fault.” I have no idea what happened. But I know for sure it wasn’t Maisie’s doing.
“We always stay home. And tonight… Adam was out with the team and I wanted to do something different. Not just for me. I also thought it would be good for him. You know he’s been even more moody since he came out. Some people have been jerks with him.”
“I know.” I do know. So very painfully.
“It was supposed to be a good idea,” she says with a pleading tone, eyes wet. I take her hand to try to comfort her, show her that I am on her side. I am not good with words but maybe this would do. As I look down, I realize that there is blood on her white dress. My heart skips a couple of beats. Is it Liam’s?
I want to ask about Liam but I can see that she is shaking. “Maisie, are you okay? Is someone coming for you?”
“My mom is coming.”
“And are you okay?” I feel like she skipped the most important part of the question.
“Yeah, I’m just… I need him to be okay.” Her voice is shaking a little but I think it helps that someone is focusing on her. Adam and his parents are still not back and the guys from the team seem relieved that I am talking to her as I am sure that most of them don’t even know her name.
“Do you want to tell me what happened?”
“We ate in a restaurant. And we had so much fun. I know it’s weird to have just one friend, and I know people think that Liam isn’t that fun, but he and I… we just get on, you know?” I nod. I don’t know why she is justifying her friendship. Especially to me. I pretty much have just one friend – I know the team is here and they are my friends, but I don’t really call any of them when I want to hang out or if I have something to share – and I understand more than most how great Liam is. Even if no one knows that.
“What happened tonight, Maisie?”
“After the restaurant… we were walking and there is this gay bar… you know the one by the library?”
I nod. I know exactly which one she is talking about. When you are starting to question certain things, there are things you can’t not notice.
“We decided to try to get in. I did, actually. Liam felt awkward about it but I convinced him. It sounded fun. And I thought we wouldn’t be allowed in anyway.”
An unpleasant knot is growing in my stomach. I think I know where this is going and I don’t like it. So as desperate as I am to know what happened to Liam, I still try to stretch the story a little longer. “Did you make it in?”
“We did. The bartender is apparently used to teenagers who just came out and he let us stay for one drink as long as it wasn’t alcohol. It was very nice, you know? We talked to a few college boys, and Liam… he was more positive than I’ve seen him in a long time. Like he finally got what ‘it gets better’ means.”
“And then?”
“And then we left and there was this group of guys…”
Maisie starts crying but she keeps telling the story. She tells me all about how they came out of the bar just as two drunk guys were shouting some vile things to a gay couple in front of the bar, how things heated up almost instantly, how they got caught up in the middle of it and the next thing she knew, for some stupid reason no one could have foreseen, Liam tried to step in between of them to stop the fight and ended up being the one receiving the punch. This is both awful and reassuring. One punch. It can’t have been that bad. Right?
But apparently, the punch landed right on his temple, opened his brow ridge, and he hit his nose falling down. There was a bit of blood but, more importantly, Liam started to feel dizzy.
This still makes me feel better. Maisie is shaken because she was in the middle of it and I think she is quite shocked. Adam’s parents freaked out because their child is in the hospital. And I hate that this happened to Liam. But I also think that he is going to be okay.
“Maisie,” I say, trying to get a soothing voice. “It’s going to be fine. You know he is going to be fine, right?”
“They said he needed a scan.”
“That’s because he was feeling dizzy. It’s probably nothing more.”
I notice a bruise on her wrist. She looks down too and shrugs. “I’m fine. Things just got a bit rough.”
I want to ask her more about it but her phone starts ringing. It’s her mom. She picks up and walks away. It was good timing though because that’s also when Adam comes back. He seems much more tired than he was fifteen minutes ago, but he doesn’t seem panicked or down, so I think that’s a good sign.
“Everything alright?” Tom asks.
“Yes. He will be fine.”
Adam doesn’t talk about what happened, he just says that his brother needed some stitches, that he hit his head and vomited so he had a scan but there is no trace of blood so everything seems fine but they’ll keep an eye on him for a night just to be safe. Then he thanks the boys for coming and they all organize their way back home.
“I’d like to stay with you,” I tell Adam. That’s only part of the truth. “Unless you think I’d be imposing, of course.”
“No, please stay. I want my best friend with me. I didn’t tell the guys, but… they have other tests to do to rule out brain bleed or other nasty side effects of being punched in the head and… I know chances are that he’s okay but I’m a bit worried. He’s my baby brother.”
“Do not call him that to his face.”
Adam smiles, which is exactly what I wanted. “No. Good point.”
“Where are your parents?”
“Talking to the police. They arrived five minutes ago. Apparently, they arrested someone. I think they need to talk to Maisie and Liam but my mom is acting like Liam is on his death bed.”
“How is he? Have you talked to him?”
“Yes, but just five minutes. He is with a doctor now to assess if he has to stay the night or if we can monitor him at home.”
“Was the punch that bad?”
“How do you know about the punch?”
“Maisie told me what happened.”
“How is she?”
“She was a bit shaken. I think it’s good her mom arrived.”
“To answer your earlier question… I wasn’t there for the punch, obviously, but it did seem pretty bad. It also was just one punch and not a proper beating down. The bouncer got there pretty quickly. He has a couple of stitches on his eyebrow, but the eye is fine, he hurt his nose but it isn’t broken, he did see blurry after being hit but that didn’t last, and he did get dizzy but he thinks that it was just nerves. They just want to make sure because… just because, I guess.”
Yeah. He doesn’t need to explain why they need to make sure his brain is alright. We stay there a moment in silence. That’s something I like about Adam. We can spend time saying nothing and it’s not awkward, and it doesn’t feel like wasted time.
The pain in my stomach is receding. I still want to see Liam through this but I know deep inside that he will be fine. But now that I am not worrying, trying to calm Maisie, and not even talking to Adam… this gives me time to think. About all those feelings that have overwhelmed me. Stronger feelings than I thought. I have known for a while that I have a crush on Liam, but… maybe this is a little more than a crush?
I look at Adam and I have this strong need to come out to him. I know I won’t. This is not the moment to make it all about me, and this is even less the time to tell him that I am in love with his little brother. But I now have the certainty that I will tell him soon. About me, at least. Probably not about my feelings for Liam. Still. It would already be a massive step for me.
Adam’s parents join us not long later. Apparently, Liam has been cleared to go home and is being discharged. Maisie and Liam identified the man who punched him. They will have to decide if they are going to press charges, although criminal charges might be filed after the investigation. I’m not quite sure what the difference is and Adam’s parents don’t give more details.
“Thank you for being here, Caleb,” his father tells me. “You really are a good friend to Adam.”
“I am also a friend of Liam’s,” I say almost automatically.
“Of course, you are. We were thinking about having a pizza night tomorrow. To have a nice evening after all of this. Would you like to join?”
“I wouldn’t like to impose, sir.”
“Please. Call me John. And you wouldn’t be imposing. You’re always welcome at our house. You know that, right?”
I am about to thank him and accept the invitation when his wife suddenly says, some tears in her voice, “Why is he doing this to himself?”
“What?”
“Liam… surely he always knew something like this could happen. Why would he choose this life when there are people ready to attack him for it?”
“Mom…”
“You know I’m right. This has nothing to do with me having a hard time accepting what he told us. The man who attacked him is an awful person and deserves to be arrested and thrown in jail, but… people like him exist, and is it really that wrong of me to wish that my son would have made a safer choice?”
“All due respect, Anne,” I say, not knowing if Adam’s father asking me to call him by his first name extended to his wife. She doesn’t seem upset about it, so I continue. “The only choice Liam made was to stop pretending to be someone else and to let the world know who he really is. But he isn’t gay because he is chasing it as a lifestyle. Because you’re right. It isn’t the easiest way. And if we really could choose, I think a few of us would have chosen otherwise.” The words make it out before I know it and it is too late to take them back. A few of us. I think I just came out. To Adam’s parents. In a hospital waiting room.
Anne looks at me, eyes widened by surprise. “You mean that you are… you too?” I nod, too stunned to form words, and she looks at Adam. “Are you two…”
“No, Mom. He can still have male friends and not date them.” Adam doesn’t sound surprised. It’s as if he already knew. I don’t know if that means he guessed or if he is just this ready to accept me as I am. Either way, I am happy.
Things get a little awkward after that so Adam and I decide to go to the vending machine. I am not particularly hungry but I really don’t mind walking away from his parents.
"I'm sorry about blurting that out," I tell Adam as we are far enough so his parents can't hear. "It wasn't planned"
"Really? My mom wasn't your go-to person for coming out?"
"It's not just that… I also really wanted to tell you first."
Adam shrugs. "I know. But here we are. You know it doesn't change anything, right? Neither that you're gay, nor that you came out in the most awkward way. Plus you were stepping up for Liam. I really appreciate that. Speaking of… you didn't stay for me, did you?"
"I did."
"But not just."
"No. I guess not."
"I'm going to be honest with you. I had noticed a couple of looks. You guys could have told me."
Us guys? "Hmm… there is no 'you guys'. I don't think your brother really pays me that much attention."
“I do,” says someone behind us and we both jump. Liam is there, looking at us with an expressionless face.
Adam’s eyes travel from him to me. Then he says, “I’ll give you two a minute. Don’t be too long, Mom will come looking for you soon. Plus we have to pick Sam from the neighbors.”
Liam nods and then it’s just the two of us. I feel almost petrified. I don’t know what he is thinking, and I don’t know how to talk to him. But there is one question that is more important than anything else. Including my ridiculous social awkwardness. “How are you?”
“I’m fine.”
I look at his eyebrow and it genuinely doesn’t look so bad. But Maisie was physically alright and yet I wouldn’t say she was fine. “Does it hurt?”
“I don’t want to talk about that.”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.”
“It’s not that. It’s just… I want to talk about something else.”
“Like what?” I ask. I know exactly what he wants to talk about but I am so nervous about it that I am using the most absurd techniques to try to postpone it, even just a little bit. It also doesn’t help that I don’t know what he is thinking.
“I want to talk about what I just heard.”
“How much did you hear?”
“Did you just come out to my mom?”
“I did. I’m sorry, I didn’t think. Is that going to make things harder for you?”
“Probably not. Besides, from what I gathered, you did that for me, somehow. Adam isn’t the only one who appreciates it.”
I shrug. “He made it sound more epic than it was.”
“Which leads me to the most important question… Is Adam reading too much into things or…”
He seems unsure about how to finish this sentence, so I gather every bit of courage I have, and I do it for him: “I don’t know what he picked up from you. But I definitely like his brother. A bit more than like, actually.”
For a second, nothing happens and my heart beats so loudly, dreading and awaiting the response at the same time. Liam’s face relaxed and a small smile appears on his face. I think he is nervous too. He takes a couple of steps forward, until he is right in front of me, and I have never been so happy about someone being in my personal space before.
“Apparently this evening is going to end much better than it started,” he says and that makes me giggle.
“How are you?” I ask again.
This time, he seems happy to answer me. “Fine. It did hurt, it still does a bit, but I’m alright. Maisie seemed more upset than I was.”
“She was really worried about you. Maybe you should call her tonight.”
“I will. I definitely will. But I don’t know what I should tell her.”
“What do you mean?”
“Did I just find out that there is a guy who ‘more than likes me’, or did I score a hot boyfriend?”
“Boyfriend?” I repeat, surprised.
He seems a bit uncomfortable. “I don’t know, I just thought… Is it too soon?”
I slide my fingers around his with one hand. “It doesn’t feel like too soon.”
Perhaps not too soon but definitely surprising. I am about to ask him if he is sure about this when he steps even closer and I lose the ability to think. My eyes fall shut and his lips meet mine. Not long. We are not in the best place for this. Enough to fill me with enough awe and joy to last a lifetime…
“Let’s get back,” I tell him, thinking that I don’t really want his mother to come looking for us.
He nods, smiling, and starts walking, his fingers still linked to mine. He isn’t holding tight and I know I can let go if I want to. I don’t. Whatever his mother is going to think of it, I want to stop being his boyfriend, not even for a few minutes.
“Maybe we can do something this weekend,” he says. “You know. Without my brother around.”
“Like a date?”
“If you want to.”
“I do.”
Of course, I do.